If I Lost You
by ballistics belle
Summary: "Did you really think I was just going to leave you in North Korea to be tortured and killed?" Danny asks incredulously as he waves his hands around unceremoniously. "I may not be a military man but I understand the concept of 'leave no man behind"!"


**A/n: **So I totally loved this episode and I thought that the emotions and interactions between Steve and Danny were just so perfect. And I also really hated that stupid hug between Steve and Laurie. It was unnecessary and pointless. SPOILERS FOR 2X10 "Ki'ilua".

_You could have bowed out gracefully but you didn't. You knew enough to leave well enough alone but you wouldn't. I drive myself crazy trying to stay out of my own way. The messes that I make but my secrets are so safe. The only one who gets me, yeah you get me. It's amazing to me how every day you save my life.—Rascal Flatts, Every Day_

"That was really stupid, Danny." Steve states as he gently eases himself down onto the couch.

His body is sore but the full effect hasn't hit yet thanks to the adrenaline and pain killers coursing through his veins right now. Tomorrow will be a bitch which is why he wants to get this conversation with over now while he still has a little bit of fight left in him.

"I'm sorry, do you mind clarifying that statement?" Danny inquires as he walks past Steve and into the kitchen. Steve hears the fridge open and clanking of bottles so he waits until his partner returns with beer in hand before responding.

"Going into North Korea like that, it was really stupid." He repeats sounding completely serious. Danny stops short in front of him.

"Are you serious right now? I just saved your ass by 'going into North Korea like that' and instead of being grateful, you're what? Pissed at me?" He asks incredulously because he cannot believe that Steve is acting like this after everything that has happened in the last forty eight hours.

"Yeah I am because you took a stupid risk-" Steve shifts on the couch to a more upright position as Danny's eyes go wide.

"No." He cuts the other man off. "You do NOT get to throw my words back at me right now because unlike you, I knew what I was getting myself into when I went over there. I knew the risks." Danny declares. Joe had made it all very clear before they got on the transport what the hell was about to go down and never for a second did he ever think about aborting. _We either bring Steve back or we don't come back at all. _

"That's what makes it stupid, Danny. You could have gotten yourself killed." Steve says sounding almost as if he were reprimanding a child.

"You could have too! You still went!" Danny exclaims.

"I didn't have a choice!" Steve points out.

"Neither did I!" Danny shouts and Steve can see that his partner is at the tipping point of being mad.

Steve's seen Danny irritated, annoyed and even frustrated but never outright mad. Judging by the dangerous glimmer in his blue eyes, Steve's not sure he wants to find out what a pissed off Danny is like but his head is cloudy from too many blows and the narcotics they gave him at sick bay so he carelessly pushes on.

"What are you talking about? Nobody ordered you to come save me." He questions. Danny runs his hands through his hair roughly and a few strains fall to the side of his face.

"You honestly don't get it do you? Did you really think I was just going to leave you in North Korea to be tortured and killed?" Danny asks incredulously as he waves his hands around unceremoniously. "I may not be a military man but I understand the concept of 'leave no man behind'! I didn't leave you when you were in prison and I damn sure wasn't going to leave you now!" He practically screams.

Steve feels like he's been punched in the gut yet again. Mixed with the anger in Danny's baby blue eyes is fear. It's the kind of fear Steve's only seen on two other occasions—when Grace was involved in a carjacking and when Danny was poisoned with Sarin. It's the kind of fear that comes with losing something precious, the kind of fear that rattles a person to the core. It terrifies Steve to see it because he knows the feeling's mutual.

"What if something had happened to you?" Steve proposes, not ready to concede his argument yet. "Think of what you would have left behind-"

"Me? What about you? You think you don't have anything to leave behind? Huh? Because you're wrong. Mary would have lost _another_ family member, 5-0 would have lost their leader, Grace would have lost her favorite partner in crime and I would have lost-" Danny stopped short, choking slightly on the words he couldn't say.

"What , Danny? What would you have lost?" Steve asked in a soft yet demanding tone. The words that might come out of his partner's mouth could change everything between them forever. Danny turned his head away from his partner's inquisitive stare as he eyes began to water.

"You, Steve." Danny whispers as the tears clog up his throat. "I would have lost you. And that would have meant losing everything."

"Danny…"

"No Steve, just listen." Danny insists. "When I realized what Jenna had done…I couldn't breathe. All I could think was that I had to get to you. I had to at least try ….because I couldn't look my daughter in the eyes and tell her that her Uncle Steve was gone and Danno didn't do anything to try to save him…..and because I couldn't lose another person I love without putting up some kind of a fight. So you can think it's stupid all you want. I would do it all over again if it meant getting you back." He confesses, his voice softening the longer he speaks. He stumbles over to the chair next to the couch as the all of the fight seems to leave him and he's suddenly exhausted.

"I thought about you the whole time." Steve admits quietly. "I kept thinking about how badly I wanted you there with me, but I couldn't have asked you to come because it wasn't fair. I didn't want anything to happen to you. I could handle anything they did to me, but if they had gotten _you, _if they had hurt _you, _I wouldn't have been able to live with myself. You're my partner, Danny and I'm pretty sure it's in more ways than one." He adds. Danny just looks at him.

"This stopped being a partnership and started being a relationship the day I chose you over Rachel." He declares and Steve knows he's right.

"Thank you, Danny." He says sincerely, finally able to be grateful for the gesture now that the immediate threat was gone. "For saving me."

"Yeah well, let's just call it returning the favor." Danny says as he relaxes into the chair. Steve gives him a questioning look but they've had enough honesty for one night so he just smiles. Tomorrow they'll deal with the repercussions of all of this and start back on the hunt for Wo Fat yet again but tonight…..

Tonight they'll savor the simple victory of being alive and together again.


End file.
